Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Good Bye, Sweet Obsession

I have started the Master Cleanse Program again.   This will be the fourth time I have done it in the past eight years.  Its a fifty fifty draw for me whether I can sustain it or not.   I guess it boils down to my motivation behind why I am detoxing in the first place.

Let me first explain what the Master Cleanse is....

I drink only a maple syrup lemon water concoction.  No solid foods, no other substances then water.   You can find the recipe at this address.... http://themastercleanse.org/   If you scroll down you will see Wayne Dryer did the cleanse.  His words about the program....

 "I feel great and taken weight off around my middle. It’s just kinda disappeared. I have lost 14 or 15 pounds I have more energy. I am doing yoga again. I am back walking. I was having real issues with my back. Joint pains and things like that seem to have all gone. I have a new kind of clarity as well."

Like I said I have done this program before with great success and well, no success.  As with anything it rides on the mindset you have going into it.   Seeings as I am actually two weeks into my detox, over a month if you count my soft start, and I am still eating like food is going out of style and you wont be able to get any after Halloween, I have to do something a bit more drastic.

I am not detoxing for the same outcomes Wayne Dryer did.

I didn't really want to go this far into a cleanse with my life detox.  Binging and purging are very real issues for me and going to extremes feeds the addict in me and still, even in starvation of an enjoyment my dopamine levels can be spiked.   Extreme discipline for an even larger pay off can keep me riding an addictive cycle for a very long time.

So why then am I doing this cleanse if I know it can spin me?

Cause I cant stop eating.   No matter what side I tackle it from I just cant stop shoveling wheat and sugars into my body.   Its the same situation as having to go into a dry out center to get off dope cause one just cant stop using.   But its with food.

I am not sure many people realize the drugs that are in our food.  Drugs that cause us to become addicted to what we are eating.  Here is an article found in the blog section of Dr. William Davis, the author of Wheat Belly.  He explains how much bread messes with the minds of people with a mental disorder.... http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2015/04/top-10-reasons-to-kiss-wheat-and-grains-goodbye-forever/

I am hooked on sugar and wheat.  I am in Obsession.  My addict is still thriving.

There really inst any food dry out center's where I live.   I need to get more serious and drastic about my detox.  So that's why the master cleanse has to come into play in my life now.  I tried it the softer easier way.  I need to reset my pallet, reset my cravings.   This is a program to reprogram the way I eat food.  That is the motivation behind why I am doing the cleanse this time.

Thats a solid good motivation as it links in very tightly with my overall detoxing of men, drugs, money and overworking.

I am doing myself a service by releasing myself from the obsession of food.  I no longer have to think about what I am going to eat next meal.   I need this break for my obsessive mind.  The weight loss clinic I worked at provided food for its clients.  I see now why it was so effective for me.  I didn't  have to think about what I was going to eat, I just ate what was on the menu.

This freed up a tremendous amount of obsessive thought energy.

With that thought in mind, I need to look at the hard truth that this is truly my day one.   I have had several false starts and many more almost starts.  But today will mark the first day of truly a life free of obsession.  Food and sex have been the last two hurdles to overcome obsessive thoughts.  So I guess now I am finally on my way into this detox.

I have had lots of feedback from friends and family on their ability to do what I am doing.  My therapist admitted to me that she gets anxiety at the thought of giving up all her vices for three months in order to live a healthier cleaner life.   I have had several people tell me how much I inspire them by what I am doing.

I have to sit back and revel in those comments because this has never been about anyone but me.  I am ruining my life over my obsessions.  Spinning my wheels at 41 with nothing to show for my journey but a huge mountain of dirt behind my truck tires.   I want to go somewhere and do something with my time on this planet.   Its my addictions always crashing my life to the ground.  Its my obsessions clouding my view from a greater, brighter future.

Once the dust settles from the shit storm I have created in my life I am hoping that I will be able to refocus on a horizon ahead of me and have a clear vision of where I want to go.   As a motivational coach its what I first ask my clients... where do you see yourself, what do you want??   Painting a clear vision of where your headed helps you maintain the why when the going gets tough.

 I cant see where I am going right now.  I have no goals other then to clear myself of the toxins clouding me.  The twelve step program taught me to only focus on the next step and let my higher power carry me the rest of the way.   So here is my current step.

Good bye Wheat and Sugar and all things processed.

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