Goal: Three Month Detox.
Gift: One month Phase in.
Grace: One month Phase out.
In total approximately Six months of detoxing my addictions from my life. I gave myself an extra month for slips, trips and all out falls. Cause lets be honest I am one that learns things the hard way. This is not a program of failure or such rigid rules that I will want to throw my hands up and let the blood roll down my wrists into the tub. This is a detox to reset my dopamine levels and retrain my reward center to operate on a level more manageable and not so theatrical.
Why do this, why now?
I am 41 years old and I cant keep my life from crashing to the ground repeatedly. I get good leverage, make great strides, achieve something really great and then... BAM! I lose it all. I crash and burn more times then anyone I have ever met. I don't just have set backs, I burn my life to the ground repeatedly. Now that I have history to asses I can see clearly that my addictive nature is the largest culprit to my epic failings.... of course going deeper I will learn how I am hard wired and this detox is to rewire the way I function. So thats the why.....
I have already been phasing in for the month of September. I deleted my entire blog in this past month... goes to show how well it has been going. lol ( if you subscribe to my email list you will see these posts being added back slowly)
I have had to revamp what was on my detox list several times. I think I have a fairly solid list now and am more comfortable to share this with you.
I have broken it down into my addiction categories. What must go and what I will replace with. Binging and purging are very real cycles in my addictive nature. I will be posting about addiction and the cycles within this next three months, including medical and personal research I have concluded in the last six years of awareness. I cannot allow myself to fall into a purge during this detox. So let me be clear this is a controlled detox not pissed off purge.
In graph above using is the bingeing,
guilt is when I purge. That in itself is a crazy cycle that produces its own highs and lows for me.
My addiction with food runs the deepest. After getting pregnant with my first born I moved from a drug addiction to a food one. Gaining almost 150lbs in a 5 year period. At my heaviest I was 230lbs. When I lost almost a hundred pounds seven years ago, drug addiction swooped back in without a blink of an eye. So the first detox I will focus on, as it will be the one with the largest impact will be food.
--Reducing my sugar intake.
This will still be a gradual phase in and part of the six month reason. To cut off entirely something I have been surviving on for too many years to count would cause mayhem within me and that's not what I am going for here. So the obvious things will go first. Ice cream and sweet store bought snacks. I will eat only my own baked goods made with healthier sugars and in moderation and portion control. I am very aware of proper portion control due to my years as a weight loss consultant.
--Portion control and over eating will be my next food focus.
--Following the Canada food guide.
I will create a post for more in depth detail in the next few days to help me develop a more narrowed down plan to follow. Until then please visit http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/food-guide-aliment/index-eng.php .
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL
I have seen many years clean from all drugs in my past. Its not my go to and its not my first vice. Yet when I remove some of these other addictions smoking weed and drinking will come rushing back in to fill the void. So for three months this is off the table.
--No cocaine, meth or any other drug,
-- not even my occasional glass of wine.
For anyone needing help off these substances visit https://www.na.org/
SEX AND LOVE
This is my first addiction and the one that has been solid no matter what addiction it brings along as its counter part. From dangerous sexual encounters to falling in love repeatedly this has been my mainstay to keep my dopamine levels spiked and always on constant open flow. Even in the pain of break up there is a level of serotonin and dopamine exchange that keeps me peaked.
For the next three months beginning October 1st until January 1st. I will have zero contact with men in any form other then casual work or familial contact. Not even friendships with males other then work or family. I have to keep telling myself this one... like a repeating mantra.... as it is the one that freaks me out the most. As I add my blog posts back you will see has been the main source of my delusions.
--No sex, with or without a partner
--No romantic relationships
--No friendships with men I am attracted to or have had attractions with in the past
I will be working through Patrick Carnes Sexual addiction program. https://www.facebook.com/patrickcarnes
My last job brought to light the many jobs I have had in my life that took precedent over my family, my friends and my self care. Burn out twice in the same job leading to a sexual/love situation that in the end did indeed cost me my job was enough to show me that workaholism is indeed a very strong and detrimental form of addiction. One that this society breeds as acceptable and even honorable.
I work as a caretaker. Part time hours but the pay is enough to cover mine and my daughters basic needs. I will not take on any part time jobs in the next three months. After this time I will ease back into a part time job that supports my continued detox and healing addiction journey.
--4-5 hours of work each day, 6 days a week.
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/are-you-a-workaholic A good article on workaholics.
Even with very few dollars in the bank I can spend poorly and jeopardize the well being of my daughter and myself. Detoxing back to bare bones is a choice I have made consciously this time even though it feels like a previous rock bottom and hurts just as much. I am good with money and can save tonnes of it even with only pennies coming in. It is only a feeling I know when I am spending on something I don't truly need and just spending for the sake of spending. I am sure I can post this in more detail at a later date.
After detox when my money situation increases I will treat myself and my loved ones to treats worthy of our enjoyment I have no intentions of being a frugal fritta forever.
--Stick to a strict Budget
I have worked with this group in the past and will follow there guidelines for frugal spending. https://www.moneymentors.ca/
Well there you have it. Those are the main areas of detox.
I am always on the path of enlightenment and I will also limit my friend contact, my texting habits, my facebook uses, my online scrolling and my tv watching. I wont indulge in the gym as it is an addiction from the past I do not wish to partake in again. My full focus will be on anything I indulge in in access or use to escape my feelings. I will watch for new obsessions that will without a doubt develop along the way.
Two things will happen during this detox that I know for certain before entering it. I will reset my pleasure seeking centers and find enjoyment in the simpler things in life again and I will also kill Lady Vixen off once and for all. At that point this blog will be put to rest and I will devote all my time to my new website..... guiding other addictive personalities to total recovery and freedom from obsessions and compulsions.....
I invite you to journey with me. Support is very important on a path of change. Please leave me comments, email me or private message me. I would love to hear about your own detox and recovery stories.